Tag Archives: Fast Five

Navy Seals


“You’re dealing with extremists.”

“You’re dealing with the Navy Seals.”

Navy Seals is Top Gun but less homoerotic and more cocaine fueled. After all, it stars Charlie Sheen (post Wall Street) as a self-absorbed, sociopathic Navy Seal who is amusingly racist (he calls the Japanese “Japs,” Muslims “rags,” and just about any other racial slur you can imaging). The film focuses heavily on mindless action and vaguely defined character traits – using the terms “good guys” and “bad guys” often and, like any good American propaganda made after the Cold War, its primary antagonists are Middle Eastern (Navy Seals’ main action takes place in Beirut, Lebanon). It’s the type of film which brings to mind Sel from Alejandro Jodorowsky’s The Holy Mountain, who makes war toys and begins propaganda campaigns against future enemies years before any actual conflict; it’s also a film undoubtedly fueled by massive amount of cocaine and excess.
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Fast Five


Where to begin with Fast Five?

I guess I’ll start by saying it’s the first film in the series I’ve seen – and it wasn’t my idea to go. My girlfriend, who is sometimes an oracle when it comes to bad action films, suggested it. I’ve avoided these films for one simple reason: they look really dumb. Plus, I’m not really a car person. Don’t get me wrong – I love my 1997 Volvo station wagon and if a 1970 Dodge Challenger came into my possession I wouldn’t cry but I’m just not that interested in automobiles. I think of them as a tool, a device I use to get from point a to point b. Regardless of my disdain for most car movies I loved Fast Five.
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