Category Archives: Uncategorized

Blog Possibly Dead & ‘Zine Release Show

I haven’t posted here in almost two years. That’s ok, as I probably won’t again unless I’m linking to something else I’m doing. In the meantime, below is a link for a ‘zine I write for called Is it Over Yet?. There’s a release show going on Friday, November 25th, 2013 at The Space in Orlando, Florida. It’s on the corner of Colonial Drive and Mills, above Anthony’s Pizza. A few bands are playing too (Permanent Makeup from Tampa, Wet Nurse, Pop//Nazi, and another band I can’t remember). The show is free but they’re taking donations for the touring bands. I’m also reading one of my essays.

If you’ve been salivating for my return to this blog, I’m sorry I haven’t written here in a while. I moved and moved back, got a new job, graduated college, spent time with my cats, and so forth. For those I kept in contact with via this blog, if you’d like to get back in contact post a message and we’ll chat. Thanks for reading.


F.P. Malchiodi


Is It Over Yet? website:

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on my blog and here are the reasons:

1. I’m moving to the New York City area shortly.

2. I’ve been really, really busy.

3. I started doing stand-up comedy.

That’s right: stand-up comedy. Naturally it’s of an amateur variety but it’s a blast. That said I’ll be at Austin’s in Winter Park this coming Sunday. I have more posts coming (even though I haven’t posted I’ve been writing some) but in the meanwhile here are pictures of famous people eating.

Come out tonight for possible laughs!

That’s right bitches: I’m doing stand-up comedy tonight. This is happening at Austin’s Coffee on Fairbanks Avenue in Winter Park, Florida. If for some reason you live in Central Florida, like amateur stand-up comedy, and have nothing to do come out and watch me potentially stink up the place (both figuratively and literally). The laughs (and boos) start around 8:30. Below is a map. Hope to see you there.

Something to tide you over…

Makes you feel quite insignificant doesn’t it? Also, doesn’t it make humanity reaching Star Trek levels within the next few hundred years seem all the more important?

*Note: if it doesn’t load on the blog’s main page click on the image for the entire show. Thank you*

Is WWE Hitting Puberty?

Why am I blogging about wrestling two posts in a row; especially WWE’s brand of wrestling (sports entertainment)? I haven’t watched WWE seriously in a very long time but the latest storyline, involving wrestler CM Punk spilling the beans about the real-life, backstage drama of the WWE, are shaking things up. On this Monday’s Raw CM Punk gave away their new media strategy, their thesis statement by saying, “I’m making wrestling relevant.”
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Return From the Lands of Nether

I have finally returned from The Netherlands. I love it over there (and it’s not because of the semi-legal dope or the sex workers). The Dutch have a different way of looking at things and going about their lives – I believe Americans could learn a few lessons from them.

However, while I was over there I did watch a few films on television. Over there they don’t have many commercials and they don’t cut their films (another example of why Europeans laugh at us in the Colonies). Here is what I’ll be writing about in the next week or two.

1. Movies 4 Men: A really terrible channel I watched a few times.

2. Basic Instinct

3. Back to the Future

In the meantime here’s a picture of a windmill I saw. Thanks. =)

I love the Delta Sky Lounge

Currently I’m sitting in the Delta Sky Lounge awaiting my flight to Europe; it leaves in about 45 minutes. I love flying first class, especially since I’m headed to London and from there to Amsterdam. I’ll be back in the good ‘ol U.S.A. in about a week. The reason I’m writing this, aside from bragging about being in the Sky Lounge and flying first class on somebody else’s dime, is to let you, dear readers, know the posts will be even more infrequent than they have been recently. That doesn’t mean there won’t be any posts while I’m sitting in windmill country but I don’t want to promise anything I can’t deliver on. Hope to see you all soon and thanks for reading.

Also, if you like music be sure to check out Aural Abortions (my music blog). Although I’m out of country I have those posts timed and there’s a new one every day.

In other news, Seth Putnum from the legendary grindcore band A.C. (Anal Cunt) died on Sunday. Here’s a graphic picture to disturb you. I wish myself a safe flight and take care. =)

In the real world it’s not called tardy, it’s called fired

I know I’ve been neglecting Abortions For All lately and for the few of you out there that read this: I’m sorry. I just finished school and haven’t really watched anything outside my comfort zone in the last few days. Honestly, aside from reading for pleasure (a novel idea), working on my music blog (click here to see Aural Abortions), and hanging out with my girlfriend (when we can), I haven’t done much.

Expect reviews on the following films in the next week or so

Another Showgirls post about Nomi’s desires (which I started a few weeks ago but haven’t finished)
The Sound of Music (which I saw on Mother’s Day. I took out my girlfriend’s mother because she had to work)
Mr. Show (yes, the old HBO series)

And a few others.

In the meantime here’s a video of a call-in television show host receiving a barrage of insults on the air. Enjoy and thanks for reading.

Aural Abortions

So I’ve avoided discussing music (except for in a cinematic context) on this blog since its inception. I feel it’s appropriate that I have, since I feel any publication (even an insignificant little blog like this one) covering too many mediums becomes cluttered unless done correctly; I don’t have the capabilities to create a multiple medium blog, mostly because my technical prowess within the digital realm is lacking. I’m not a digital Neanderthal by any means but I’m not as computer savvy as others. However, my desire for a music blog has not subsided and after much deliberation I’ve decided I should stretch myself and embark on a blog discussing music.

Enter Aural Abortions. Although I don’t claim authorship of this little piece of cyberspace, I do endorse it. This little blog will chronicle what I feel are some of the best pieces of music around, facilitating their circulation. Although this blog doesn’t distribute a thing, it does inform those interested about a variety of wonderful little pieces of music that have become part of the aural zeitgeist since the beginnings of audio recordings. Whether it’s punk, hardcore, metal, experimental, old blues, old jazz, soundtracks, rock, or just about anything else, Aural Abortions will cover it. Expect posts almost daily too.

As soon as I figure out a way to incorporate Aural Abortions into Abortions For All I will but for the moment it’ll act as a standalone blog, drifting through cyberspace and spreading the gospel about some amazing little pieces of music (mostly originally on vinyl) that has graced my turntable and made countless others happy. So please, check out this site and explore the music it endorses. Thank you.

Also, expect posts in the next few days regarding Showgirls, The Adjustment Bureau, The Lost Boys, and many others. I just finished my thesis defense (and I passed) and aside from a few final assignments before graduation (including work on a piece for actual publication in an academic journal) I will soon have more free time on my hands. Below is the link for Aural Abortions.

Aural Abortions: Spreading Great Music Since Yesterday

This American Life

Normally I don’t post links to outside programs on this blog but after hearing this episode of This American Life while running errands this afternoon I feel I must make concessions from time to time. This episode, entitled DIY, is about a two decade long quest to free a man wrongfully convicted of murder. It’s a touching story and a minute example of how justice can be…well…just on occasion. It also points out the latent racism deeply ingrained into the American consciousness but that’s a discussion for another time. Follow the link below and listen to one of the best examples of American public radio, which is under attack for a variety of reasons as of late.

Also, expect posts in the next few days about the following films: Hellbound: Hellraiser II, Young Guns, and The Adjustment Bureau. I just finished the final draft of my thesis (I defend it on Thursday, April 7th in case you’d like to witness that process. It’s open to the public and please respond to this post for further details) and only have a few requirements remaining before graduation. Expect my thesis to appear on this blog in the next few weeks in tiny installments; it’s long and dense – not exactly the kind of writing I wish to unleash on this blog’s tiny audience at one time.

Thank you.

Taking a partial hiatus

I’m not taking a complete break from the blog but school commitments are making regular posting more difficult. Therefore I will post less and work on school more – a decision that’s quite beneficial, at least for me. Where I normally post 4-5 times a week right now I’ll probably post 1-2 times a week; this can change of course. Some week’s I’ll post many times a week, some weeks I’ll post nothing; it’s all contingent on the workload I have to deal with.

I appreciate the people reading this blog on a regular basis and all the commenter’s – thank you! I will also post portions of my thesis on here and any criticisms are welcome. That doesn’t mean I won’t check the blog daily but my output will lessen until the spring semester concludes.

Thanks again for reading and for your ocular support.

Abortions For All: 2010 in review

WordPress sent me an e-mail today about my blog, how it did, how many views, etc. Since I’ve been very lazy over the New Year weekend and don’t have anything new to post, I thought this would be an interesting thing to throw up on my little blog. Thanks to everybody that reads this, links to it, and so forth, for getting my inane writings out to the world. Here’s to a great 2011 and hoping our nation’s films don’t decline any further, following the trends of our economic and political systems.

The stats helper monkeys at mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,700 times in 2010. That’s about 9 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 85 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 340 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 115mb. That’s about 7 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was December 25th with 131 views. The most popular post that day was Jingle All the Way.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were,,,, and

Some visitors came searching, mostly for lobot, jaws 4, night of the living dead 1990, jingle all the way, and the wrestler.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.


Jingle All the Way December 2010


The Walking Dead episode 2 November 2010


Pondering Lobot September 2010


The Sopranos: A Survey and Highly Subjective Opinion (part 1) September 2010


Night of the Living Dead 1990 remake November 2010

Fuck yeah!!!!

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work

“The only time I feel comfortable is when I’m on stage.”

Say what you will about Joan Rivers, but she’s fucking funny. I first heard about this documentary on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross. Gross’ Joan Rivers interview was enthralling – thinking about it gives me a new appreciation for Rivers, her work, and just how funny she really is. She’s also one of the hardest working women in show business; working multiple bookings in a single day for the majority of the year. Most people see her nowadays on the E! Network, which is a shame since her red carpet antics are a small part of her repertoire. Her stand-up is witty, clever, and her ability to command a room is highly impressive. It’s possible I’m so sold on Ms. Rivers because I just watch the film a few minutes ago, but I’m not certain that’s true. I think it’s Gross’ interview that really sold me on her, erasing most of the negative press she’s accumulated from as far back as I can remember.
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Punisher: War Zone

On HBO’s Rome Ray Stevenson is a bona fide shit kicker. In Punisher: War Zone the only difference in regards to his ass kicking ability is his choice of weapons. I’m not saying Punisher: War Zone is a great film – it’s a slasher film in disguise – but for a cheap laugh and a tongue-in-cheek action romp, it covers its bases. The film is made for both fans and those in the know; it avoids a lengthy back story and the film commences right in the thick of things. Within less than five minutes the Punisher is mowing down gangsters at a rapid pace. It continues on this path, with the film becoming more violent and more ludicrous as time passes. Eventually you’re left with the feeling you’re part of a great joke; a joke paying homage to both movies like Charles Bronson’s Death Wish series and the Friday the 13th films.
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Does Jason Voorhees want to screw his mom?

AMC is showing just about every Friday the 13th movie this week; tonight they’re on part 3 and 4 and I’m currently watching part 3. Originally the film was released in 3-D and the cheap gags are apparent – a spear, a yo-yo, eyeballs, all flying towards the camera. Watching the film in 2-D makes the tricks even more silly and although I’ve never seen the movie in 3-D, I’m sure it’s a hoot (I know a 3-D version exists on DVD, but I’m not rushing out to pick it up).

I started thinking about Jason and the Oedipal complex, wondering if there’s any validity to my thoughts. Jason is obsessed with his mother. I remember in the second Friday the 13th film the female lead (who incidentally kind of kicks Jason’s ass around a little) imitates Mrs. Voorhees, attempting deception in order to escape his forest hideout. She asks him to knell and it’s only when Jason spots his dead mother’s decapitated head behind the imposter that he strikes. Jason is obviously still mentally adolescent, explaining the subservient posture – consenting to knell like a subject. He needs his mother; he needs her to guide him, protect him, and perform matriarchal functions.
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Man Bites Dog

I saw a review online regarding Man Bites Dog as a postmodern look at serial killers. I think the writer is correct in that the origins of the film’s protagonist, Ben, just is – the origins of his homicidal urges don’t receive a full explanation even though his parents discuss his childhood briefly. The film has a clear ending, which is common in modernism, but the ambiguousness of the world Ben and the filmmakers of this pseudo-documentary are definitely postmodern. Ben’s environment is part realistic and part fantasy; a world where people like Ben are part mobster and part homicidal maniac, where factions between people engaging in the same occupation as Ben shoot it out John Woo style. The openness Ben has regarding his job (murderer, thief) is complete fantasy, especially when comparing Man Bites Dog to other serial killer stories like Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer or Showtime’s Dexter. In these other pieces the killer tries to keep their murders secret; Ben doesn’t. He shares the secret of his trade with the filmmakers, obviously aware that eventually people will potentially see the film and know what he does. Any concern with the legal ramifications of Ben’s actions is non-existent in the film. Because of this I can’t claim Man Bites Dog a realistic glimpse into the actions of a serial killer but instead a film looking at the serial killer intimately – a film more concerned with the great social implications of violence and how it affects people living in a society where desensitization to violence is commonplace. Continue reading


Warning: If you haven’t seen Re-Animator and don’t want key plot points given away, you should read something else.

The film’s best line: “Cat dead, details later.”

Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna’s adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s short story, Herbert West – Re-animator – is one of those notoriously entertaining darkly comic horror films. Released in theaters without a rating (like other horror staples Dawn of the Dead or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Re-Animator pushes the boundaries of excessively violent horror. Starring Jeffrey Combs as the demented, yet brilliant Herbert West and containing a highly competent supporting cast featuring Bruce Abbott as medical student Dan Cain; David Gale as the plagiarizing professor Dr. Carl Hill; the stunning Barbara Crampton as Megan, Cain’s fiancé and the daughter of Miskatonic medical school’s dean, Alan Hasley (Robert Sampson). The story centers on West, a medical student studying independently in Switzerland with the renowned physician and scientist Dr. Hans Gruber at the film’s beginning. An experimental mishap – culminating in Gruber’s death – brings West to Miskatonic, where he immediately butts heads with Hill and shares a house with Cain. Hill asserts the brain can only survive after death for six to twelve minutes; West doesn’t concur and his research into a reanimating serum backs him up.
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Student Bodies

“Talking? During horse head book ends?”

A couple years back I picked up a bootleg copy of Student Bodies at a comic convention. I tried watching it a few times before going to sleep and every time I’d fall asleep long before the conclusion. A week or two ago it aired on Showtime and I recorded it. This afternoon I watched it and I’ll never get those 90 minutes back. The film started out funny; a good parody of slasher flicks, but it went downhill really quick. I’ll admit the end, with the main character having swine flu, is a little funny but the movie as a whole is just awful.
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You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

Writer and director Woody Allen’s latest creation, You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, is nothing extraordinary. In fact, I thought it was terrible. I mean no disrespect to Mr. Allen; a fine filmmaker with a long list of accomplishments (Zelig, Manhattan, Annie Hall, Small Time Crooks, and Mighty Aphrodite to name just a few), but his latest effort was stilted and outright boring. The characters were generally unexciting (except Charmaine, who I found hilarious), the dialogue wasn’t very witty, and the narration was awful. When I saw Vicky Christina Barcelona a few years ago I felt the same way – the narration was lazy. Yet Vicky Christina Barcelona was a pretty good film whereas You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger wasn’t. Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem were excellent together; their fights, their banter, their lives were all highly entertaining. The shoddy narration was excusable because these characters were fun to watch. My issue with the narration for Allen’s new movie is the narration seemed lazy. Instead of allowing the film to narrate itself, Allen used an outside voice to keep the movie’s pace – a move that harmed the film more than helped. Is the movie so stilted and uninspired that an omnipresent voice needs to hold the story’s hand, helping it from point A to point B?
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Red Dawn

Let me begin this rant by saying Red Dawn is the most unbelievable piece of nonsense to come out of Hollywood in a very long time. Films like Harry Potter are more believable. The beginning of the film asserts everything in Europe and Asia has fallen apart, that NATO’s extinct, and the United States is a lone super power. I’m not saying these things couldn’t happen, but Milius’ pro-American World War III film uses antiquated forms of warfare in a post-war world. With the advent of nuclear weapons, satellite imagery, and all the other military toys on the market (even back in the ‘80s), an old fashioned war (like the first two World Wars) can’t happen. Baudrillard wrote a few essay collected in a book called The Gulf War Did Not Take Place and discusses this. Wars in the classic sense are long gone, replaced by drone warfare and a plethora of other means. Bill Hicks’ description of war on Revelations sums it up best: “you need two armies to have a war.” Our wars don’t exist in this fashion.
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The Plague of the Zombies

The British film studio Hammer is notorious for making low-budget films in the same vein as Roger Corman: inexpensive; quickly produced; made in an assembly line fashion. 1966’s The Plague of the Zombies is no different. I remember seeing this years ago at the video store and taking a chance on it, especially since the word zombie is in the title. Unlike the zombie films that arrived on the horror scene following George A. Romero’s seminal 1968 film Night of the Living Dead, The Plague of the Zombies follows the formula used for zombie films of the pre-Romero genre – blaming the rise of the recently deceased on voodoo. Continue reading

I’m chewing the fat…

It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. I wish I could say it’s because I’m extremely busy, but it’s more because I’m lazy and distracted. I have a good deal of new media to blog about, but I need to get off my ass (or rather, sit on my ass with a computer on my lap) and get to work. Here’s what I’ve watched recently and dying to write about:

Dexter Season 4
Enter the Dragon
The Social Network
The Back to the Future trilogy
True Blood season 3
Punisher: War Zone

Plus I still have to keep my promise and write about Highlander. I’ll get to it, but right now I’m working on two bands, a relationship, a job, a thesis, classes, a few upcoming shows, and much more.

In addition, one of my two bands (Sterile Prophet) just put out our first demo. It was recorded live at WPRK 91.5 in Winter Park in the wee hours of the morning. It’s not the best recording and we messed up a few times, but it’s something. Go to to download it for free. We’re also playing some shows in the next few weeks.

Wed. 10/13/10 at Rocky’s Replay featuring Sterile Prophet, Disasteroids, and Acid Reins (free show, starts at 9pm)
Thur. 10/21/10 at Wills Pub featuring Yogurt Smoothness, Disasteroids, New Man (my other band), Acid Reins, and Sterile Prophet ($5 cover, starts at 9pm)
Thur. 11/11/10 at Hoops featuring Sterile Prophet, Seraphim, and a few others TBA (time and price not known yet)

Fucking awesome. Thanks and check back by the end of the weekend for some new posts.

The Road Warrior: A second evaluation and exploration

After reflecting on my Road Warrior post last night I realize I failed to explore a major theme. To my credit, I was writing this late at night; I had just pulled double duty, playing drums for two bands in the same evening and I was quite tired. Even though exhausted, I was unable to sleep. That’s what playing drums for over an hour for a crowd and two cups of coffee will do.

The theme I overlooked is the most obvious one: a world without oil – the lifeblood of our civilization. Most everything that makes our modern world modern relies on power, power supplied prominently by petroleum based products. Without this everything stops. Communication ceases, commerce stops dead in its tracks. Even simple activities like cooking dinner becomes difficult, since most of us have electric ranges, rely on grocery stores or markets for our food, and keep it all in an electric powered refrigerator. I’ve heard arguments that our petroleum dependent world maintains the weak, that without modern conveniences we’re nothing; useless consumers. Like the title of Heinlein’s novel, we’re “strangers in a strange land.”
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The Road Warrior

Aside from featuring super-racist Mel Gibson and a good deal of “leather daddy” material, The Road Warrior is one of my favorite post-apocalyptic pieces of cinema. For all its explosions, extensive car chases, and its wasteland refinery/camp, The Road Warrior is actually a pretty small film. Its cast isn’t very large; it contains only a few sets, and doesn’t have a ton of dialogue. There’s definitely exposition and exchanges between characters, but the film relies heavily on action to tell its tale. The beginning scene features no dialogue, making the characters dependent on body language to explain the situation and what a fantastic opening scene it is. It’s an awesome car chase, ending with Max (Mel Gibson) stealing gas from an overturned vehicle while a leather-clad punk rocker and his underage boy toy watch angrily from a distance. Continue reading

Pondering Lobot

Even though I find the new Star Wars films awful, I grew up with the original trilogy. It has a special place in my heart and I consider it a formative text for my generation. Part of me thinks that’s sad, since Lucas’ silly fantasies aren’t really that great upon retrospection, but as a child I was mesmerized by the films. I guess it’s better than being raised by video games.

I’ve been watching a Back to the Future marathon on television this afternoon. Actually it’s on in the background and I glance up here and there from my book. The original is still my favorite, but part two is a great sequel. In fact, I think it rivals the original – its fun, action packed, funny, and expands on the story in a positive way. Unfortunately, Back to the Future III doesn’t really compare to the first two.

Back to my original point: I’m watching Back to the Future and Mr. Strickland, the principal of Marty’s high school, looks like the bald guy from The Empire Strikes Back. I looked him up online and his name is Lobot; a bastardization of the term lobotomy. It isn’t the same actor – James Tolkan portrays Mr. Strickland – but the similarity is uncanny. I always thought Lobot was a little silly, with that giant piece of machinery on his head, but I never knew anything about him. The Empire Strikes Back doesn’t really say anything about him, treating him as a secondary character. He’s Lando’s right hand man, but he doesn’t say anything or have a personality of any kind. In essence, he’s a living prop. Continue reading