Student Bodies

“Talking? During horse head book ends?”

A couple years back I picked up a bootleg copy of Student Bodies at a comic convention. I tried watching it a few times before going to sleep and every time I’d fall asleep long before the conclusion. A week or two ago it aired on Showtime and I recorded it. This afternoon I watched it and I’ll never get those 90 minutes back. The film started out funny; a good parody of slasher flicks, but it went downhill really quick. I’ll admit the end, with the main character having swine flu, is a little funny but the movie as a whole is just awful.

Student Bodies is a bad early ‘80s parody film about a mysterious serial killer, murdering his victims in ridiculous ways. Sexually active teens are killed with horse head book ends, an eggplant, paper clips, and other nonsensical items. Student Bodies relies heavily on pointing out the stereotypes in slasher flicks – for example, a body count appearing on the screen every time a character dies – and making fun of homosexuals, minorities, the disabled, and many other marginalized groups. Probably the best part of the film is shop teacher Mr. Dumpkin (Joe Flood), who’s obsessed with horse head book ends. Its hinted prior to the film’s third act that Dumpkin is sexually excited by horse head book ends, which is one of the only few parts that made me laugh.

Student Bodies offers nothing in regards to writing, cinematography, or anything else that goes into a movie – it’s just not funny. The beginning of the film, as a parody, asserts that horror films are very profitable and although I’m not sure how Student Bodies did at the box office, its lack of production value (and probably very minimal budget) may indicate it was at least profitable. I know it was a pay cable classic in the ‘80s, as many of my friends watched it as children and thought it was funny. Maybe if I’d seen it as a child I would like it. Unfortunately, I think it’s just garbage.

Here is the trailer. Aside from Dumpkin and the few minutes in the first act about horse head book ends, the film is worthless. I apologize for the short review, but there isn’t much to say about Student Bodies and trying to pad any writing about the film would probably make this review worse.

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2 responses to “Student Bodies

  1. I love the poster. All the kids are wearing topsiders again.

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