Snakes on a Plane

My girlfriend was surprised that I hadn’t seen this movie yet. I’m not – it looked terrible. Didn’t this movie receive a green light just because people online thought it sounded hilarious? Didn’t Samuel L. Jackson call people when the film came out and told people to see it? Where the hell was my phone call? If Samuel Jackson called me and told me to see Snakes on a Plane, there’s a good chance that I would’ve.

 What I thought was going to be a horrible movie turned out to be one of the most entertaining action films I’ve seen in a long time. It’s not Total Recall or Predator, but it’s definitely amazing. The plot is absurd, the acting is amazingly decent in some parts, and it’s chock full of one-liners that deserve to be quoted by film nerds for years to come. Jackson plays F.B.I. agent Flynn, who is charged with protecting a murder witness (Nathan Phillips). The film’s villain, Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson), has his henchmen place pheromone charged snakes on the plane that both Flynn and the witness are on. When they are released via a timed mechanism of some sort, ridiculousness ensues. I never knew that snakes were keen on biting people in the penis, the breast, the eye, and so forth; they do in Snakes on a Plane. The CGI effects for the snakes are some of the worst I’ve ever seen, but that contributes to the fun of the film. There are Sci-Fi Channel movies that have better effects.

 Many recognizable actors appear in the movie including David Koechner, who plays Packer on The Office and is the co-pilot in this film. Kenan Thompson from Kenan and Kel is also in the film, playing a bodyguard for a  hypochondriac hip-hop/pop star, and Julianna Margulies from ER plays a flight attendant who ends up kicking a little snake ass. There are a few other cast members that I recognize from bit parts in other movies or television shows, but I can’t recall all of them.

 The film has nudity, drug use, violence, bad language, and sometimes these things are mixed together. The first people killed by the snakes are having sex in the lavatory while smoking pot after taking out the smoke detector. How great is that? Nudity, illicit marijuana smoking on an aircraft, and violence, all in the same scene; the filmmakers knew what they were doing. As I said before, there are so many amazing lines in this film, and I know that most people think that Jackson’s, “I’m sick of these motherfuckin’ snakes on this motherfuckin’ plane,” is the pinnacle in this film and I’m inclined to agree for the most part, but there are some amazing gems in this film. The hip-hop/pop star at one point talks about how he, “keeps his sexy,” and I can’t help but love that phrase. I heard Puffy Daddy (or whatever the hell he’s called nowadays) saying that he needs to “maintain his sexy,” on a acne medicine commercial one morning and thought it was the silliest phrase I’ve heard in a while and I love it that somebody incorporated it into one of the most ridiculous films ever committed to celluloid. Another good one comes from one of the bodyguards to the hip-hop/rap star, who says, “Ow! Get this fucking snake off my ass!” There are so many others and I could sit here typing them out all day, or you can go to the video store (or to some torrent site if you like watching films on your computer, which I don’t) and rent this film.

 I’m going to give this movie four and a half out of five stars. I know that’s a high rating and I’m well aware that Snakes on a Plane isn’t on par with films like Citizen Kane, but the filmmakers set out to make the worst B-movie they could and they succeeded. This movie was meant to bed cheesy, hilarious, and just a silly fun flick and it is. So many of the action movie cliché’s were utilized in making this and even though the idea is insipid, the presentation of such a moronic idea for a film is superb.

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