Upon arriving home from work this afternoon I turned on HBO and found myself watching Wayne’s World. Why did I like this film as a youth? It’s terrible; terrible in a way usually reserved for the lowest of the low. I can’t figure out why I enjoyed this in the first place (probably because I was 12 or 13 years old when it came out) but below are the top five reasons Wayne’s World is terrible.
5. A complete and utter misuse of Brian Doyle-Murray and Lara Flynn Boyle.
Who doesn’t like Brian Doyle-Murray? After all, he’s Bill Murray’s older brother and has appeared in many exceptional films: Caddyshack, Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters, etc. Unlike Clint Howard (Ron Howard’s older brother), Brian isn’t creepy…nor did he appear as a creepy child on an episode of Star Trek.
Although Lara Flynn Boyle’s career has been pretty lackluster over the last decade or so (I’m sorry, but the The Practice is garbage and Men
in Black II is crap) but she did play Donna on Twin Peaks, one of the best shows of all time. Regardless of her bad choices she is a talented actress and taking a role in Wayne’s World is a step down.
4. The terrible dialogue.
“Schwing?” How about “party on?” What about the best one: “Excellent?”
Sure, these lines are parodies of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure but those only really worked on Saturday Night Live. Taking them outside of a sketch show ruins their satirical effect and instead makes the film a parody of itself. Now Wayne’s World is no longer a parody of cock rock and the whole suburban heavy metal lifestyle but instead a product embracing it.
There are a few moments in the film which are funny. Ed O’Neill’s role as a deranged coffee shop owner is somewhat comical and the Terminator 2 parody is funny but that’s about it. The dialogue coming from the two protagonists, their friends, and their antagonists is embarrassing – there’s really no other way to put it. I was humiliated for the actors.
3. Tia Carrere
Carrere has appeared in a long list of films and television shows but she’s just terrible. I liked her in True Lies but that’s about it. Honestly, I didn’t even think she was that good in True Lies – it was everybody else working towards the film’s success. It’s not that she’s unattractive but she really has no acting chops; I just feel like she’s trying too hard with the material. Also, she’s responsible for such disasters as Kull the Conqueror, Showdown in Little Tokyo, and Harley
Davidson and the Marlboro Man. In short, Carrere is a shit actress and
brings ruin to everything she touches.
2. The protagonists being a bunch of jackasses
If I knew these guys in real life I’d avoid them at all costs. Don’t get me wrong, I like Led Zeppelin, Star Trek, and music but I don’t like these guys. Basically, they’re fanboy tools. When they bow down and worship Alice Cooper I felt ridiculous for watching this dribble. They do a cable access show where they spout nonsensical one-liners and assume they’re awesome because they like Aerosmith.
1. The terrible music
Not all the music coming out of the late ‘80s and early ‘90s was garbage (right now I can’t think of any incredible bands starting in the early ’90s but I’m sure there are dozens) but the music featured in Wayne’s World is complete crap. Let’s put aside Queen for the moment, since many people really enjoy their music (I don’t), but Cinderella, Bulletboys, and later Eric Clapton, are atrocious. Plus, the soundtrack also features songs sung by Carrere, including a cover of Sweet’s Ballroom Blitz.
In addition, there was just something wrong with mainstream music from the early ‘90s. Wayne’s World came out at the end of the hair metal craze, when bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam were usurping Poison’s MTV time. Against music like this (and I loathe Nirvana and Pearl Jam) bands like Slaughter and Motley Crue were just comical. I remember Motley Crue released a greatest hits album around the time “grunge” was accepted by suburban white children and covered the Sex Pistols’ Anarchy in the U.K., trying to buy some credibility by attaching themselves to a punk band. Too bad the Sex Pistols suck too and were just another boy band; in fact, the Sex Pistols were one of the groups responsible for making Richard Branson a millionaire.
The film also features music by Red Hot Chili Peppers – an outfit I can’t stand. Yes, Flea is an excellent bass player and John Frusciante is an incredible guitarist but when combined with Anthony Kiedis and the guy who plays drums they suck all the good out of a room. I enjoy when Frusciante and Flea play on Mars Volta albums but that’s about it.
Really, the ‘90s was a bad time for popular music. It was a time when major labels were grabbing anything they thought could turn a profit and if these bands didn’t come along the companies just invented their own groups. This is the era of the Spin Doctors, Hootie and the Blowfish, Garbage, and countless other talentless groups poisoning the airwaves. Remember that scene from Contact where Earth’s broadcasts go out into space, slowly moving backwards until there’s absolute silence? If not here’s a clip:
Can you imagine what aliens would think of Two Princes by the Spin Doctors? They’d think we’re a bunch of jackasses who play hacky sack all the time and watch Mad About You (wait, isn’t that what people did in the ‘90s anyways?). I’d rather not project that image to beings capable of interplanetary travel.
In conclusion, Wayne’s World is absolute garbage and nobody should view it. Of course, HBO broadcasts it multiple times a week but there are better ways to spend your time. Please avoid it at all costs and save the brain cells I lost while watching this piece of shit movie.
Here is the trailer